She greets the day with her hair wet....

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

here in this diary, i write you visions of my summer...

mitta394: the boys of summer are gone

but today i went to the beach with nat. it was a good way to end summer. it was the first beach trip ive had in a while in which i didnt get nailed in the head with a frisbee. it was relaxing. that's the most relaxed im going to be for the next nine months. i can already feel my shoulders getting tense with stress and im not even in school yet. i wasn't meant for this stuff. bottom line. i was made for summer. i want to kick myself in the face because looking back i totally took this summer for granted. and i always do that. i cant ever just appreciate what i have and live in the moment. i have to always focus on how things could be better and i miss out on being happy and having fun. i need to stop that. now. but yea all and all it was pretty sweet. i got a chance to be a kid again and i learned a lot about myself and became a stronger person i think. i also got a lot closer to ally which was good. and i did have some really fun times. i'm just too huuuuge of a douchebag to appreciate them. i dont feel like listing them so feel free to read previous entries if your interested. and warped totally made up for all the fun i may not have had the rest of the summer. i would give up a million summers to relive that day over and over. bottom line... warped made my summer. major bonding experience for me and liv too. you know.. almost dying together.

i always get all depressed and sentimental on the last day of summer. i don't know why. summer is all i really live for i guess. all the happy songs are written about summer. all your greatest childhood memories usually take place in the summer. i hate how weird i am about this :( i should get to bed soon but i almost dont want to because i feel like ill be surrendering to the school year. so sad. it should be a fairly sweet school year though. the way i see it.. its sophomore year.. im not a stupid little freshman who is totally clueless, im not a junior who has to worry about sat's and prom and all that shit. im not a senior who has to worry about my future and being a roll model and the fact that im about to get heaved into the real world. im a sophomore. im just chillin. no one's going to bother me. which is cool. i also missed my crew and seeing them everyday. so that will be good. and i also know that this summer is nothing compaired to the next few summers to come. once my friends and i are all licensed and things we'll be unstoppable. so in reality i really do have a lot to look forward to. but am i still upset about the end of this summer? of course.

i know i posted these lyrics on a previous entry.. but they're just so appropriate. so im posting them again. for no reason at all. read them anyways. biznotch.

Here in this diary,
I write you visions of my summer.
It was the best I ever had.
There were choruses and sing-alongs,
and that unspoken feeling
of knowing that right now is all that matters.
All the nights we stayed up talking
listening to 80's songs;
and quoting lines from all those movies that we love.
It still brings a smile to my face.
I guess when it comes down to it...

Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up:
These are the best days of our lives.
The only thing that matters
is just following your heart
and eventually you'll finally get it right.

Breaking into hotel swimming pools,
and wreaking havoc on our world.
Hanging out at truck stops just to pass the time.
The black top's singing me to sleep.
Lighting fireworks in parking lots,
illuminate the blackest nights.
Cherry cokes under this moonlit summer sky.
2015 Riverside, it's time to say, "goodbye."
Get on the bus, it's time to go. *the ataris

Posted at 07:03 pm by burnoutgirl10
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Tuesday, August 24, 2004

take the map and point to anywhere, i don't care, fingers through your hair...

long time no update kinda. nothing to really update about. ummm friday i went with nicki to get her senior pictures done. haha it was amusing. i felt like i was at a photo shoot for vouge. i got into a few pictures too.. cause.. i guess thats allowed. but i wasnt aware so i looked like crap. uhh saturday there were a lot of huge thunderstorms.. maybe it was sunday i dont really remember. but there were huge storms. and i was really bored and my brother was sleeping on the couch so i woke him up and forced him to go out and play in them with me. it was fun. i felt like i was a little kid again. i spun around and frollicked like an idiot.. then we slid down the front hill in garbage bags. then he said he'd pay me five bucks if i ran to the bottom of the driveway in my underwear. so of course i did. ahaha summer is most deffinatley not complete until you run around in the tropical storm in your underwear. uhhh sunday night.. i got pissed off at a certain someone and couldnt sleep and randomly got the urge to dye my hair at two am. so i did. back to my natural hair color which is dark dark brown/black. then yesterday i went to the hair lady and got reddish highlights and "rockstar hair" . aka.. angled bangs.. so i have the sexy "i only have one eye look" happening. and layers. i'd post a picture but.. OH WAIT! fucking blogdrive wont let me. sad times. but its sweet. then i had to go and get a new backpack cause mine got stolen at warped<3. then we had to go to target and get my brother boxers. i saw two cds that i wanted and i got all excited and my mom actually volunteered to get them for me. i dont know what triggered that but who the hell cares. i got mae and matchbook romance. good stuff. then i went to fieldhockey.

i did nothing today. tonight i was supposed to go with nicki to steal tractor crossing signs.. cause our goal was to do it before the end of the summer. but she ditched me for al. her boyfriend. story of my fucking life. i'm a constant victim of this. so here i am.. last night of summer.. not doing anything. me and nat are going to the beach tommarow though. so that should make up for it.

so i'm starting to feel like maybe i'd be ready to not be single. if their were someone worth not being single over. but there really isnt. i dont like white boys who think their black, or icp "jiggaboos" as i like to call them. so there's ovbiously no one here for me in stafford. i need to get out more. i was kind of begining to think there was someone. this person never fails to prove me wrong though. i know how i said that it was all my fault before. but i've tried to break the habbit of being cold and sarcastic to him. and i've done really well. and now he's the one being cold and sarcastic. it's to complicated to be saved at this point. oh well easy come easy go right? haha who am i kidding?

fucking loooooove this song....

Summertime, summertime brought me back to thinking you were mine all those times.
We laid it down and left it all behind, we were blind.

Oh, the summertime.
We could ride, we could ride.
Take my hand and watch the world go by.
Laugh or cry, well we need to try, get off the line, time to fly.
Oh, the summertime.

Go on ahead and let it fade away.
No looking back you know the past will stay.
It's you and me, we could get out of here.
Jump in and go and we could drive for years.
We could feel alive...

Here we are, here we are,
windows down we see a falling star.
Stop the car.
Waiting for nothing but our beating hearts, going far.

Oh, the summertime.
So feel the air, feel the air,
take the map and point to anywhere.
I don't care. Fingers through your hair,
the sky I've seen is blue and green.
Oh, the summertime.

Driving away, leaving it all behind.
Driving away, just driving away. *mae

Posted at 10:30 pm by burnoutgirl10
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Thursday, August 19, 2004

so we all jump around, and we fall to the ground, like it's the last rock show of our lives...

holy wow. august 19th 2004 will officially go down in history as the best day of my life. ...well maybe until next years warped tour. liv came over wednesday night and slept over. we watched almost famous again and stayed up waaaay too late because we were wicked excited. but somehow when we woke up at 6:30 the next morning we still had just as much energy as we did the night before. we left around seven.. then we got on the mass pike and stopped at a rest stop... and it was so weird. it was like warped had taken over the whole world. we get into the rest stop and there's all these kids about our age with studded belts and band tees and all that on. we went on to see these kids later on at the show but thats off track. we even saw a rockstars' bus on the way there and i took a sweeeet picture of it and me and liv waved and acted like idiots. the ride there was actually a lot of fun cause we just rocked out to our bands we were going to see and were wicked excited. we had to have listened to "bouncin off the walls" by sugarcult 39573498 times. but it was appropriate. we also looked in peoples cars predicting who looked like they were going to warped... we were usually right.

so we drive up.. and it's the most amazing sight ever. there are hundreds of kids.. dressed somewhat like me.. wearing shirts with bands i thought only i listened to on them all like, migrating towards it..and then we see warped itself.. all the tents.. stages.. it was like heaven in a parking-lot. then my mom drops us off and me and liv are walking around trying to find where to get in line.. and out of the corner of my eye.. i think i see pete from fall out boy. background info for those of you who dont know.. im unhealthily obsessed with fall out boy.. and even more so with pete, the bassist, because he is the most beautiful man to walk this earth. so i nudge liv.. and im like.. liv liv! its pete...and we started to kind of walk away.. and then walk towards him.. and then walk away again.. and finally liv just yells out his name. he came running towards us and gave us this huuuge hug. it was really sweet because he ran towards us and was all excited like he knew us or something. we got a picture with him.. we got really starstuck and said stupid things but talked to him for a while none the less. he was a wicked cool guy. and yes, just as beautiful in person as in the posters. and he touched me! then we run away screeming.. and run through the barrier that apparently you;re not supposed to cross and the security gaurd yelled at us. then we approched the line and i see this guy step out of line and like.. stare at me. and im kind of weirded out and then i realize it's brett. and he yells "i could see your shortness from a mile away". and then we conviced him to let us stand with him and his cousin and her friends and his random friend we didnt know in line. so we basically cut more than half the line. his friend kept checking the clock every two minutes to see when the gates would be opening. it made me laugh/happy because someone was just as excited as me and liv were. then the gates open and we go to get in and they tell us we cant have backpacks. or studded belts?? what the hell is that. so we turned our belts around so they couldnt tell and shoved all our crap in livs bag because it was smaller and they were allowing small bags. we go to one lady and she tells us we cant go in with it. so i came up with the great idea that we would just try every line till one of them lets us bring it in. and it worked. this sweet girl let us get away with it.

so we get in and desparatley try to find someone to call about our pete encounter but it was still like 10 so people were asleep. then we went around and gathered lots of free merch and headed to claim our spots for fall out boy cause pete told us to be there specifically when we talked to him earlier. our spots just so happen to be right where a huge mosh pit errupted durring our set. liv was getting killed worse than i was at first so she tried to crowd surf out and got dropped and trampled. finally she got up.. lost both her shoes.. but she got out. i however, was still stuck in the middle of the pit right next to this douche bag who was like "heeey lets smoosh the little girl hur hur!" and proceeded to try and kill me. so i decked him. thats right i punched him right in the face. and he bled. it was so fucking sweet. my knuckles are wicked swollen from it. i heard a pop.. i dont know if it was his face or my hand. either way.. i got into an actual pit fight at warped and thats sweet. shortly after the chubby boy in the brown shirt me and liv made friends with rescued me and i surfed my way out while screaming and holding up the "rock on symbol" grinning from ear to ear. the security gaurd that pulled me out at the front just looked and me and said "why are you so happy?! you just almost died" and then joe (guitarist from fall out boy) just looked at me and laughed. it was amusing.

after that me and liv watched the rest of the set from the side.. and then we called ally and told her our adventures. then we went and bought our fall out boy merch... and went back and got it signed by everyone but pat :( ...the lead singer. i also got my picture taken with joe.. he was wearing sweet bright green booty shorts and no shirt. <3 then we went merching again. we met allister and got an autographed poster and talked to them for a while. that was sweet. throughout the course of the day we saw sugarcult, matchbook romance, part of antiflag, part of the vandals, parts of yellowcard, taking back sunday which was nasty by the way because adam.. lead singer.. was swinging upsidedown from the like.. twenty foot high rafters on top of the stage.. while singing. we were about to go and try and get closer when i saw sean come running out of a crowd sweating and gasping for breath and i was like sean! sean! once i got his attention we said our hellos and he was like "dont go in there.. its nuts.. everyones passing out and i almost died in there" so he probably saved out lives. haha. durring coheed i decided i wanted to crowdsurf from the back to the front. i get up.. get half way there.. having a wicked awesome time.. and then i reach this group of bitchy girls that won't lift me over cause they'll break a nail or something and i have to get down and walk all the way back to where liv is in the back.. which luckily wasnt near a pit.

after coheed we merchindised again and then called my mom to come get us. on our way out we end up taking a wrong turn somehow and having to walk 9347593485893 miles around the whole fucking stadium where we found my mom like an hour later. then we got in the card and realized we hadn't eaten so we stopped at a rest stop and got food. while waiting in line for food the girl behind me was like "my neck hurts soooo bad..we need to go next year." and i turned around and was like were you at warped by anychance? and the guy and the girl were like YEA! and the guy got all excited and high-fived us and we talked to them for a little while. again, another example of how warped took over the world today. then we ate and spent the whole ride home talking about the day and how great it was. and i came home and showered.. because i had more of everyone elses sweat rather than my own on myself due to how tightly packed it was. then i went online and told everyone all about it cause.. ya just have to. and now im writing all this dribble because im still wicked pumped from it and i won't be able to sleep if i dont get it out.

this was seriously the best day of my life. it saved my shitty summer. better late than never right? i'd prefer to go out with a bang anyways. it was so much fun. there was such sweet music, and sweet people. we spent all day making friends with random people and just talking to them like we knew them. for a good seven hours i just forgot i had a life outside of warped tour land. i was happy. all i could feel besides happiness was the bass/drumbeat's going right through my body. i got elbowed in the face, kicked in the head, and pushed more times than i can count. my backpack got stolen, and i smelled worse than ive ever smelled in my entire life. it was beautiful. i've never felt more alive. that's where i belong.

*they don't even know what it is to be a fan. y'know? to truly love some silly little piece of music, or some band, so much that it hurts. -sapphire, (almost famous)

Posted at 10:25 pm by burnoutgirl10
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Monday, August 16, 2004

there's a broken cd player in the back seat of my car, next to the pieces of what's left of my first guitar..

wow. lots of shopping going on. so fucking sick of shopping. cause it's back to school time and all. i reffuse to call it back to school shopping however.. its fall shopping. and that's that. the end of summer is by far the most depressing thing ever. but i still have warped to look forward to on thursday.<3 and this school year should be fairly sweet ::knocks on wood:: or as sweet as a school year can be. douchebag is home but we havnt talked a whole lot. i've done my best to try and make it that way. ummm billy and i are talking again. which makes me happy cause he's a really cool kid. if you read back to my entries in like.. january.. they're about him.. if you're not updated on the story and you'd like to be. and yea... that it. i'm feeling a really happy kind of sad right now. it's bizzare. i met a cute boy at the mall today. my mom ruined it for me. we'll end the story there cause its to painful to relive.

also.. i was sitting.. talking on the computer and things.. and pondering and it occured to me how many good things ended with the word "out". one thought led to another and i came up with my new philosophy on life. all i need to do is live by the three outs.. and i'm good to go:

x rock out
x make out
x punch out

^recipe for a happy life.

Posted at 10:18 pm by burnoutgirl10
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Thursday, August 12, 2004

take another little peice of my heart now baby....

today i went mini golfing with the family unit. part of it. and i didn't even come in last! then i went to nicki's. al came over. we swam and i beat the snot out of al. it was fun. then we had chinese. after dinner me nicki and al were hanging out in her room and even though i could have gone in the other room with steve, kyle, and jay.. i could tell al and nicki wanted me to leave so they could make out so i just stayed to be evil. haha. then we got the hugest ice creams ever. and i spent the rest of the night being naucious. when i got home i called livipants because she has been in maine aaaall freeaaaking summer. and i miss her like nobody's bussiness. also... just so you're informed and not confused by aarons message on my tagboard.. i decided janis jopplin fucking rocks harder than anyone ever. and i want to be her when i grow up. minus the dying of a drug overdoes..but eh.. minor detial. and jim morrison is pure sex. that's all i have to say about that. (minus the fact that he's dead too.. again.. minor detail.

how is life you ask? well.. i'm in a good mood today. but tomarrow is friday which means doucheymcdoucheface is coming home. which means....i don't know what it means. it's way way way to hard to ignore him. but i hate it when he makes me upset. and i also kind of hate it when he makes me happy because that shouldn't be happening. i kind of like him just not existing. which was what it was like while he was on vacation. it made me happy.

^jimmy.<3
i can call him that cause we're like this...::crosses fingers::

Posted at 08:34 pm by burnoutgirl10
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Saturday, August 07, 2004

she hate's time, make it stop...

today i slept in. waaay in. like two in the afternoon in. whoops. but that was ok because i hung around and did nothing and then kyle and i went to see napoleon dynamite. funny movie. i ate a whole bag of sourpatch kids and now my tounge hurts. after the movie we went to the dollar store in the mall and bought four cans of silly string and had a massive silly string fight in the mall parking-lot. haha so funny. we fucked that parking lot up. then we took the left over silly string and made my mom drive down mainstreet so we could do drive-bys. haha we're just that cool.

in addition.. i actually heard a song on the radio i liked. 1985 by bowling for soup. it's so sweet. it makes me happy.

what happened to her plan?
she was gunna be an actress
she was gunna be a star
she was gunna shake her ass
on the hood of whitesnake's car*

^they deffinatley wrote that part for me... and they didn't even know it. heh. <3 whitesnake... and shaking my ass on the hood of their car. obviously.

it's good to be in a good mood.

Posted at 08:16 pm by burnoutgirl10
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you have to have the white-hot spotlight...

ok so i was wrong. two and a half days away from home was good. but it wasn't nearly enough time. i had a good time anywas though. when we got there on wednesday we went sailing and to the beach, then out to dinner. the next day the adult types forced us to go to rockport mass to go to all the gift shops. i don't really like gift shops.. you've seen one you've seen em all. then when me and ally were going to meet everyone they called and said they were at a restaraunt eating (without us >:|) so we would have to wait. so.. we just sat down on this bench outside this palm reading place. we're sitting there.. and there is this guy with an envelope and a walkie-talkie pacing around. his car was spray painted too.. and it was like.. a 2000 jetta or something so the paint job coudlnt have been messed up or anything. he would go into his car and duck down and talk on his cell phone every now and again.. then pace some more... then talk on his walkie-talkie. then he went into the palm reading place and was talking to the lady.. we obviously listened to what they were saying... and the lady was like "the two guys live above the icecream place. so the man with the envelope dissapeared and then came back and was like "they claimed they dont know who he is" and he continued to pace and talk on his cell. me and ally came to the conclusion that he was in the mafia and there was a hit going down...right in front of us. then we met up with everyone and put them on a guilt trip for not feeding us. so when we got home we walked down to the chinese place and ate there. they put this sweet flower made out of carrot shavings on one of our plates so i stole it and wore it in my hair. it looked beaaaaautiful. if i can ever figure out how to post pictures.. ill post some. haha. then we went to this restaraunt where there was a guy playing a guitar. he played all kinds of classic rock and things. we danced and sang really loud the whole time. it made me happy cause he played ac/dc and deff leppard and van morrison.. all that good stuff. then we went home and talked with all the drunk people till late. then went to bed.. and i left the next morning.

this vacation was needed cause it did let me let go and forget about shitty things happening back in stafford. which was much needed. something's just not right. i don't know what it is. i'm not happy. i'm not having fun. i don't feel alive. somethings missing and i don't know what. i think i really hate how all my friends have lives outside of me but i don't have one outside of them. the lack of drama in my life is taking a toll on me. and i don't mean drama being "waaaaaah my boyfriend dumped me and he likes my best friend now and blah blah blah". i mean drama as in.. the stage.. the lights.. the audience. god i miss it. it keeps me sane. and is honestly the only thing that keeps me happy. maybe that's all i need?

eleven days till warped!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted at 12:02 pm by burnoutgirl10
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Tuesday, August 03, 2004

he's too stoned, nintendo..

after awhile when you bounce back and forth between different hearts nothing gets old. you never really have to mean anything to anyone. i have intimacy problems with the world. -pete wentz

sometimes it amazes me how well things other people write suit me. his writing also amazes me in general. everything is so well put and poetic but not so poetic that you can't understand it. every sentance sounds like a line from a song too. i wish i could write things like that. i'm really good at summarizing what im feeling and putting it into words.. just not pretty words that anyone is really interested in reading. maybe this blog should just be made up of all quotes from other people? that would be a pain in my ass. i can feel myself starting to slip back into drama queen mode. but that's what this thing is for.. so if you dont like it stop reading. so to continue with my new dramatic trend... i'm leaving tommarow to go to essex (beach town in mass) with ally till saturday. it's not long but any amount of time away from things is good in my book. ignoring a situation doesnt make it better.. but maybe being removed from it for a while will? i don't really know what i want to happen though. all i really know is that i'm about ready to buy a one way ticket to anywhere but here.

::blows this pop stand::

Posted at 07:44 pm by burnoutgirl10
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Saturday, July 31, 2004

lalala

PaceMan5000: so i was just hanging out with liz and katherine
xragdoll710x: thats fun
PaceMan5000: and you came up and they said youre wicked cute, and when your a grandma you'd still be wicked cute
PaceMan5000: and i thought it was funny because
PaceMan5000: i pictured youexactly as you are now except hunched over and walks slow and wears grandma cloths

haha i hate being called cute.. but that was just too funny not to post.

Posted at 10:10 pm by burnoutgirl10
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this music is a place to hide..

while i was all caught up in being overly dramatic i totally forgot to write about what ive been up to. other than being overly dramatic that is.. the other day i went to go get my new field hockey stick. it is b-u-tee-ful. then i went to robby's and played with the ouija board with him and kathrine. we contacted a retarded spirit that just said "ted" whenever we asked it a question. it was dissapointing. yesterday i went to steves and tried to teach him to play guitar. he's doing fairly well. but then i again he does have a great teacher.. heh. today i went to jay's grad party. i hate him. and im glad my cousin-in-law gave him a sponge that he scrubbed his balls with in his care-package thingy. i hope jay washes his face with it. douchebag.

haha and after all this time.. i still love hanson and i'm not ashamed to say so. dammit.

Posted at 08:27 pm by burnoutgirl10
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