She greets the day with her hair wet....

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

and im gonna get to the bottom of this, gonna peel back my skin...

today i stayed home sick. i have a virus. blah. doctors just say that when they can't figure out what's wrong with you.

i don't really expect a doctor to know what's wrong with me though. i don't even know what's wrong with me. maybe i stressed myself into being sick. i do that sometimes. i'm sad because the tickets for the taking back sunday show sold out in two hours. so thats out. school is a pain in my ass. everyone's always busy. i never do anything fun. evvvver. i'm not fucking happy. and it's not my fucking fault anymore. everyone's version of being happy is having a special someone. i for one am so much happier on my own. but..i'm suffering because everyone's too busy having/looking for that special someone to have stupid fun with me anymore:( maybe i'm just.. growing up slower than everyone else? that doesn't change the fact that i'm completely misserable.

"how i feel when i'm with al is like how happy you feel at concerts.. only all the time."
-nicki

bullshit. i'd much rather worry about a broken nose than a broken heart. and much rather get crushed in a mosh pit than crushed in love. i'd rather get lost in music than some fucker's pretty eyes and over-contemplated force-fed lines.

what's happening to everyone? you know i'v been thinking about it.. love is a drug. some people can't have fun unless they're drunk or high. and all the straight edge people at the party just sit and watch, having a shitty time, watching friend's turn into people they're not.. wondering why they're even there in the first place. read that again. but substitute the weed and booze for love. maybe it will even make sense.

anyways, the moral of the story... there's a world outside of you and your "boo". that's where i live. just so you know where to find me if you ever decide you need me..

Posted at 07:02 pm by burnoutgirl10
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Sunday, September 19, 2004

icanmakeamesslikenobodysbussiness.

waaaahooo. i've already had three goals in field hockey.. and we've only played two games. which is extremely good seeing as it took me the whole season just to get two goals last season. coach said i was playing like an "animal". in a good way. that made me happy. haha. the past week has just been exhausting. this weekend i wasn't allowed to do anything cause my mom was on a cleaning rampage and i somehow got sucked into her black hole of garbage bags, windex, and furniture polish. blah. i did go to the mall today. i got the acoustic fall out boy ep/dvd, the new saves the day cd, some more brown pants (that addiction is out of control), and some flannel pj pants with hearts all over them. theyre sweeeet. nothing like retail therapy. i really hate shopping lately. but i like having new things.. if that makes any sense? i think my mom just saw the toll all of this shit thats been going on.. that no one really knows about. but it's divorce shit. has been taking on me. not because the divorce itself upsets me. but because it upsets my mom and brother. and i always have to be there to pick up the slack, cook, clean, ect. in addition to other stupid things i allow to upset and stress me out. so now at least i can put my sweet pj pants on and lay around listening to my new cds? haha. i know. it doesnt solve my problems.. but it's good to know my mom still cares whether or not i'm happy. because i was starting to question that for a while.

also.. i was messing around with the layout on this bad boy..cause i wanted to make it more costom-y. and it obviously didn't work. in addition to this..i messed up my comments section.. so now when anyone leaves a comment it doesnt show it and i can't reply. and i dont know how to fix it. rar. i'm thinking it may be time for me to start using the live journal account i made a million years ago and never used. as soon as i can figure out how to make it pretty.. which i can't. so if any of you technologically gifted geniouses out there are reading this and want to give me a hint about how i might go about doing this let me know. i will not write in an ugly journal.

Posted at 08:32 pm by burnoutgirl10
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Wednesday, September 15, 2004

this is me in a nut shell: "help! help! i'm in a nutshell.. how did i get into this blasted nut shell?!"

this entry is for aaron. because he his my blog's number one fan and he's been asking for an update.
haha.

i'm also updating cause he totally just proved his sweetness. times a million. haha:

footstepsdyout4e: i asked (josh) berk to the dance
rubysoho107: haha yaaay
rubysoho107: send
footstepsdyout4e: footstepsdyout4e: you goin to the dance friday
Berky243: can't
Berky243: football game in North Branford
footstepsdyout4e: ohhh
footstepsdyout4e: right
footstepsdyout4e: i was gonna ask if you'
footstepsdyout4e: d be my date
footstepsdyout4e: :-*

Auto response from footstepsdyout4e: berks my date to the dance. hands off ladies, hes mine. haha.

he was kidding. but.. <3 anyways. enough about aaron...

so here is my random thingy that i'm filling out in order to make an update:

if i were a month i would be: july
if i were a day of the week i would be: saturday
if i were a time of day i would be: 1 am.
if i were a planet i would be: saturn
if i were a sea animal i would be: dolphin
if i were a direction i would be: west
if i were a piece of furniture i would be: a lawn chair
if i were a sin i would be: i dont know all of them.. so i can't say.
if i were a historical figure i would be: janis joplin. she was close enough to a historical figure.. right? right.
if i were a liquid i would be: melting! haha i made a funny.. but for real, coffee
if i were a tree i would be: palm tree
if i were a flower/plant i would be: a lilly
if i were a kind of weather i would be: thunderstorm
if i were a musical instrument i would be: guitar
if i were an animal i would be: a flamingo
if i were a color i would be: green
if i were a vegetable i would be: cucumber
if i were a sound i would be: a scream
if i were an element i would be: hydrogen
if i were a car i would be: trans am
if i were a song i would be: oh wow. i refuse to answer such a question.
if i were a movie i would be directed by: myself. don't tell me what to do.
if i were a book i would be written by: this is my book. right here. yep. you're reading a best-seller for free by way of the internet. isn't technology great?
if i were a food i would be: cereal
if i were a place i would be: new york city
if i were a material i would be: spandex! the forbiden fabric. haha. everyone disrespects the spandex. but i know somewhere on the inside you're all dying to aerobisize with richard simons. you'll just never admit it.
if i were a taste i would be: kiss. as in.. hug..and a kiss.
if i were a scent i would be: campfire.. with a side of sunscreen. mmm.
if i were a word i would be: chrissy
if i were an object i would be: portable cd player
if i were a body part i would be: someone's left eye.
if i were a facial expression i would be:
if i were a cartoon character i would be: jem
if i were a shape i would be a: a squiggly line

Posted at 05:39 pm by burnoutgirl10
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Monday, September 13, 2004

it's like an opera at a disco, when all you wanted was a rock show...

taking back sunday, funeral for a friend, atreyu, like yesterday, and bayside, november 20th 2004 at the webster theatre!!!! it's a done deal. i hope ollllliviviva can go. because.. i've got the mic.. and she's got the moshpit. so her going is simply not an opption. the songs don't sound the same unless i'm dying in the pit, surfing over the crowd or belting every lyric till my throat is raw as the early bird special at a sushi bar with her. no one will ever rock as hard as we do. end of story. slutrock records 4eva yo.<3

uuhhmm this weekend i slept of my permenent fatigue i seem to have been having. it came back today though. i think it's just a school thing. i also went to the ellington fair with jamie. fun times with cool nonstaffordites.

i think your ship has most deffinatley sailed. but you're too far away to see the expression on my face. you don't realize that im not watching you leave and wishing you'd turn around. i'm just starring at the sky waiting for things to make sense. occasionally i'll glance your way.. but only to see if you've sunken yet. because i know it's just a matter of time.

Posted at 06:57 pm by burnoutgirl10
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Thursday, September 09, 2004

whipe that face off your head! right now!

little things like this make me think:

(aaron and i talking about basic design. i'm rubysoho he's footstepsdyout)

footstepsdyout4e: i want to draw me
rubysoho107: haha whhhy?
footstepsdyout4e: idk
footstepsdyout4e: because im boring and easy to draw
footstepsdyout4e: duh
rubysoho107: if he tries to make me draw myself i will
rubysoho107: idk
rubysoho107: not do it
rubysoho107: haha
footstepsdyout4e: lol
rubysoho107: cause you have to look in the mirror a lot
rubysoho107: i hate mirrors
footstepsdyout4e: why
footstepsdyout4e: they show reality
rubysoho107: i dont like reality. i dont even use a mirror to put eyeliner on.

........

footstepsdyout4e: and i dont use a mirror to put on eyeliner either

haha. that makes me think/worry a little also^

Posted at 06:45 pm by burnoutgirl10
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Tuesday, September 07, 2004

i can feel the bridges burnin' underneath my feet...

you should seriously consider stopping. stop trying to make me feel like nothing's changed and that we're going to keep going the way we have been and still be able to stay sane. stop looking at me like you're doing me a favor by merely making an effort to turn your head and acknowlege my existance. although i am impressed with your ability to do so seeing as it's so far up your ass, it's not appreciated as much as you think it is. you were nothing but the result of every mirror i ever broke...every open ladder i ever walked under...every umbrella i ever opened indoors. those weren't kisses. they were nothing but repeated lapses in judgment. on both our parts.

eatshitandlive<3

Posted at 06:54 pm by burnoutgirl10
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Monday, September 06, 2004

i took cutie for a ride in my deathcab...

i don't really have much of anything to write about. what inspired this entry was really that i just wanted to post this:

Allstar me220: chrissy. i fucking love you and your creativity with words
Allstar me220: its amazing

that was liv after reading some of my journal. it made me tre tre happy. so here it is. no one's ever said that to me before. but it makes me happy that someone got something out of my bitchy rantings. i need to invest in some cd's that arnt so.. emo-esque? they all just encourage my bad moods. the only problem being i can't really think of very much in the way of happy music that i even like. let's face it... all the best art is based on anger and depression. do you really think picasso was just sooo happy he had to hack off his ear? no. i didnt think so.and i can't sleep. and i never want to go to school ever again. and that had nothing to do with anything i was talking about before. sorry.

Posted at 08:59 pm by burnoutgirl10
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Monday, August 30, 2004

hair to break boy's hearts....

i'm not going to speak about certain situations anymore because every word comes out a few seconds too soon. i'm almost afraid to announce that i'm not upset. but this is my fucking journal so dammit i'm going to do it. school has been ok. my new hair is becoming more famous than i ever will. haha. i went from "you know.. the short girl.." to "you know.. the girl with the hair." i can't decide whether i like this or not. but it's still amusing. incase you havn't seen it.. it's back to my natural dark dark brown with red highlights.. and rockstar bangs.. that go diagonally and cover one eye. pure sex. on anyone else that is. haha i'd post pictures but i'm technically challenged. today before practice kendall slammed my arm in her trunk. it was an extremely painful experience. practice was so tiring today. i was planning on coming home and running or something to get a little extra conditioning in.. but i can barely sit here typing without almost falling over. good intentions though.

my new obsession: http://www.kurthalsey.com/work.html

go.look.love.

this also made me happy.....

DevunWalsh157: that would be quite silly if we didnt make are own, we are bff
DevunWalsh157: tehee
xragdoll710x: ::gigglez::
DevunWalsh157: winks and laughs, teheehee
DevunWalsh157: actually i cant picture winks and laughs at the same time
DevunWalsh157: haha do it i just did and its funny
xragdoll710x: haha its more like a twitch.

do it. for real. im feeling awfully bossy today...

Posted at 06:08 pm by burnoutgirl10
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Friday, August 27, 2004

it's so simple and complicated, the way you can crush me...

it's over. it may have never started. but it's over none the less. you'll aways have a little piece of my heart. the bitter little piece that no one else wants. and i'm only giving it to you because i don't even want it anymore. and sorry. all sales are final on clearance items. thank you. and please don't come again. but feel free to tell all your friends.

translation: i'm done with you and the person you make me.

x. excuse. me. while.i.fall.apart.don't.flatter.yourself.sweetheart .x

Posted at 08:46 pm by burnoutgirl10
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Thursday, August 26, 2004

not grown ups but not kids, you kissed me on the lips...

first day wasnt so bad. once i actually got there and had a joyful reunion with scotty kyle and liv.. and eventually the whole rest of the crew. decent classes. my english teacher reminds me of what i think barney would be like after going to college and taking lots and lots of speed. lunch is sweet minus the absence of liv and ally:( it feels weird not being the freshman.. and not having the old seniors there.. but being a sophomore is good stuff too. im more comfortable with myself. i know how things work. it's not as stressful so its easier to have fun. i refuse to let myself waste this year being depressive and retarded. i've wasted too much of my life this way.

i'm also starting to make amends with a certain someone. but nothing is ever final. for every "i'm sorry" there's been a thousand more "i hate yous". it's all numbers really. ninteynine percent of the time the things we say are sarcastic. one-hundred percent of the time neither of us have any idea what's going on. on the upside i may just pass algebra. on the down side were nothing but a cycle. everyone said all along that we were going to drive eachother over the edge. and we have so many times. i waste all my time saving him from me. he wastes all his time saving me from him. something so riddiculous has never made so much sense.

Posted at 06:34 pm by burnoutgirl10
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